About Me!

About Me: Writing about myself is difficult, so I apologize if this is terribly unclear and/or stupid. I just rewrote that sentence four times. I know, I'm insane. My name is Ashley. I'm 21 years old and I live in New Jersey. Contrary to most opinions, I don't hate it here. I really think that where you live is secondary to what you make of it. The only thing I dislike about NJ? The cost of living is shitty. My life before February 2006 went something like this: get shitty low-paying job and piece of shit car, cry about it, quit job/get fired, car dies. Spend a month unemployed. Repeat cycle. Among all of that some really horrible things happened to me. I do not discuss those things on this blog. I doubt I ever will. My life after February 2006 is something like this: Have wonderful, not shitty, fair paying job (with medical benefits), buy piece of shit car, save money incase car dies, and not cry everyday. My life right now is the best it's ever been and it keeps improving. The only thing I can really say is that when you find a job that you like, life gets so much better. I credit getting this job with helping me not end up on drugs and homeless. I have a very confusing personality. I'm generally really depressed but incredibly optimistic at all times. I get very angry with people who are always miserable, that is one thing I can't handle. What is the use of living if you're never happy? (This does NOT apply to people I know who suffer from depression. That is a different ballgame altogether.) I love helping people when I can, and I love talking to people. Anyone. Even the crazies at the Crystal Diner. I generally love and hate things at the same time. I'm excellent at agreeing to disagree. I love people. I like hearing stupid stories about people's days, what happened on the drive home, what is making them happy or what is making them sad. I zone out a lot when people talk to me, but I always admit it afterwards. I ask a TON of questions about everything. I hate feeling confused. I'm not good with change and therefore need to know where I stand at all times. My sense of humor is no indication of who I actually am. I laugh at people's misfortune and make really horrible, mean jokes. Sometimes I make jokes and people just stare at me as if I have three heads. They can fuck off. I don't like people being angry with me, but I won't lie so people like me. I try to remain myself at all times, but sometimes that isn't so easy. I think that's the way it is for most people. I don't like being judged on first appearances. I try not to judge others at all. It's not always easy, but I'm getting better. I feel like every single person I've ever talked to is a close friend, generally because people like to tell me stuff they don't tell other people. They come to me for help. All the time. This prompted a rather interesting epidsode in October 2005 involving me taking my shirt off in a parking lot and throwing it at someone while screaming "Is that what you want? Because I've got nothing left for you. If you'd like to get me a job or buy me a car or give me health insurance, then maybe I can help you." I barely knew this person. I went kind of apeshit. I'm learning to balance putting myself on the line for people and keeping some of myself for me. That sounds sort of like something they'd tell you in a self-help book. Sweet. This about me is a really horrible representation of who I am. If you know me, I encourage you to comment with your own descriptions. THAT'S RIGHT. COMMENT. PLEASE. I like to use the CAPS LOCK button when I BLOG. In real life? I smile a lot. I compliment people and I mean it. I call people on their bullshit. I ask very direct questions. I carry snacks in my purse, and I usually have a juice box or two on me. I am that asshole who asks "So how's your mom doing? Did she figure out what was going on with that rash? Tell her I asked about her, ok?" That being said, I don't like doing small talk and will do anything to avoid it. Confused yet?